My baby girl loves her “dudu”. Whether it is “Mamma dudu” or a glass of cow milk, she rarely (and I mean rarely) says no to “dudu”. Every day when I pick her from daycare and ask her “so how was the day, what did you do”, her quickest, and the sole response is “I had dudu” :-). So when I decided to wean her off completely around 2 years of age, I knew weaning would not be that easy!
The weaning was gradual
I have exclusively breastfed my baby girl for the first 6 months. Her transition to solids was gradual: one new meal a month. So the weaning was also 1 lesser feed per month. Breastmilk continued to be her major source of nutrition until she turned 1 year old.
I weaned her off night feeds by the time she was 15 months old. By the time Anu was 18 months old, her daily breastfeeds had come down to 1-2 feeds in the daytime.
Finally, when she was a little over 2 years old, I weaned her off completely. This post is about how I weaned her off and how it affected my baby and me.
Breastfeeding increased for comfort & security
We had moved to Pune when Anu was around 19 months old. She took some time to settle in the new place, missing her daycare where she was comfortably settled, the loving house-helps (who adored Anu so much) and her play area. So to find some comfort, her breastfeeding increased from 1-2 feeds daily to 3 feeds a day.
Once she started with her new daycare in Pune, she gradually went back to 1 feed, at night before sleeping. This transition happened naturally. Over a month’s time, as she settled and became more comfortable in her daycare.
But this one feed she was just not ready to give up. In my absence, even her Baba or my mom (both of whom she is very fond of) found it difficult to put her to sleep. She would throw a lot of tantrum if she did not get her ‘dudu’ before sleep.
Mother led weaning
By the time Anu was 22 months old, I wanted to wean her completely. But my mom and husband insisted that I should feed her till she is 2 years old. So with little hesitance, I decided to keep going for 2 more months. I am glad I did because she had a nasty viral infection, at 23 months of age, which lasted for almost 8 days and only breastfeeds soothed her.
Few failed attempts at weaning
source: https://goo.gl/X1PFCX
I had planned to wean off Anu as soon as she turned 24 months old. A month before Anu’s 2nd birthday, I started coaxing her to give up the feed voluntarily. “You a going to be 2 years old now”, “you can try to sleep without dudu”, “Would you like to have a glass of milk before sleeping “. She would agree to all of it wholeheartedly, but when it was time to sleep, she would howl if no breastmilk.
After her 2nd birthday, I started regularly offering her Cow’s milk before bedtime. I thought (wishfully) that she would be full and happy with it and not demand breastmilk at sleep time. Though she would happily gulp it down, Anu would still ask for “Mamma dudu” at sleep time.
So neither ‘gentle talk’ nor substituting breastmilk helped with the weaning.
My Aai suggested I apply neem paste or salt to my nipples. That way Anu would reject the strong bitter/salty taste and stop demanding. Many moms swear this technique works. I was a bit hesitant to wean her this way. Breastmilk has been her first food. Her love, her comfort, her nutrition and I did not want her to end it with a bitter taste. But I was eager to wean her off.
What is the gentle way to wean a baby
I decided to opt for “out of sight, out of mind” way to wean her off. So a month after her 2nd birthday, I sent Anu to my parents’ place. Now, she loves my parents. When they are around, she does not need me (except for “dudu” :-)). They visit us regularly (now that we live in the same city) and are fully aware of her schedule. I thought it would still be a gentler way to wean her.
We had decided that if she cried a lot, or showed signs of distress due to no breastfeeding, we would bring her home immediately and find another, ‘ gentler’ way (if there is any) to wean her.
Fortunately, she stayed happily for a little over a week at my mom’s place. She did not ask for “dudu” and was happy to have a glass of cow milk before bedtime. She ate well, played well, remembered her Aai & Baba occasionally and had a great time with her grandparents.
Mother led weaning is not an easy ride for the baby
When she saw me after 8 days, she hugged me so tight, with the broadest of her smile (usually reserved for her grandparents). And for her afternoon nap demanded “dudu” :-). I was surprised that she demanded it so swiftly after a hiatus of 8+ days. I also felt a bit sad. The intensity of her comfort in breastfeeding and love for her mother’s milk hit me. For a few nights, after she was back, she would grab my breasts and ask for “dudu”. No tantrums, no crying, no meltdown. Just a plain request. An earnest one. It would break my heart. I would say “Mamma dudu finish”. She would say “Okay” and try to sleep. I was tempted to breastfeed her. But I had decided to wean her for few legitimate reasons, and hence I decided to stay strong unless she demanded it frequently.
But she would hug me closely when putting her to sleep. As tight as she could. And hold on to something. Anything, like her hair-clip or bow or my top or the bedsheet. She would not leave it until she was fast asleep. She would wrap my hand around her and then ask me to tell her a story or sing her favourite rhyme. My girl was indeed big. She realised her loss of her favourite “dudu”, yet she faced it bravely. She found her defence mechanism against her loss of her comfort in breastfeeding.
I think the holding tightly was symbolic of her loss, not letting go off what she still could hold. Yet, no crying, no agitation. That coming from a toddler who had just entered her “terrible 2s”.
How weaning affected me
It was almost a gut-wrenching experience for me when I saw her holding tight to any of her items while sleeping. I realised she was looking for comfort. She could not express in words her struggle to cope with the absence of breastfeeding. She was trying to face it on her own.
That brought about a sea change in me. I became conscious to keep my “mommy temper” in check. Also, I showered her with extra kisses and hugs. I ensured I spent every minute around her laughing, smiling, engaging in different activities (book reading, drawing, hide-n-seek, slides are few activities she loves to do with me) and goofing around. Without worrying about the mess, pending tasks, my work-related deadlines, social obligations, or even the toilet training accidents.
And she seemed to have picked up the vibe. In spite of our 2s, I observed the baby meltdowns disappear (well almost), decrease in crankiness and a significant reduction in the tantrums (not that they were worrisome in the first place). She is generally very choosy about kissing back her Aai or baba, but now she became more generous with showering us with kisses :-). Windfall!
It took her around 10-15 days to give up the habit of holding something of hers very tightly before sleeping. Now she sleeps without even demanding milk. She still wants me to sing her a rhyme or sometimes to pat for a couple of minutes. But she no longer needs to wrap my hand tightly around her, she knows “Mamma dudu finish”, but Mamma is here for her.
And so my “mommy temper” is slightly back but much in check :-).
Lessons learnt from my experience of weaning my baby
It is crucial to find a gentle way to wean your baby. Mother-led weaning can be difficult for a baby. With reduced skin-to-skin, which is a sense of comfort for a growing baby, he needs more warmth. So find ways to make the weaning comfortable for your baby [1].
If you are weaning your baby, before he shows readiness, please lookout for signs of discomfort or distress [2]. Slow down if required. If your child is not able to cope up with weaning, maybe postpone it by a few weeks/months. As mothers, we have our legitimate reasons to wean, but for a baby, there are equally vital reasons to continue to feed. Find a gentle way to wean. It will go a long way for your baby and you!
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