Bedtime routine – How I established a bedtime routine for my baby

“There was never a child so lovely, but his mother was glad to get him to sleep” – Ralph W. Emerson’s quote echoes the sentiment of any mother getting her infant to sleep. A bedtime routine is an effective ritual to help a baby sleep well (and at a set time). Also, a consistent sleep routine is one of the vital steps towards sleep training the baby.

Should I set a bedtime routine for my baby?

A bedtime routine is an important daily ritual to help baby sleep at night at a set time. A set time to sleep can bring consistency in the daily schedule of parents and the baby as well as help baby sleep better. A bedtime routine can even help parents to bond with the baby.

Bedtime routine benefits for the parents

Many of us would (begrudgingly or proudly) agree that our lives have become slaves to schedules. We expect some degree of predictability and pattern in everything. And a newborn baby discards that expectation with a sweet innocent smile :-).

In the first 4-8 weeks after birth, a newborn has no fixed sleep schedule or sleep pattern. Although babies sleep for most of the time each day during that period, each spell does not last more than 3-5 hours. For parents, especially a mother who is breastfeeding, it can bring sleepless nights while tending to the baby around an unpredictable schedule. An extended period of sleep deprivation due to broken sleep hours can play havoc with the physical and emotional well-being of a mother. Caregiving, when sleep deprived, becomes even more challenging when parents have limited help at home, or demanding work schedule.

A bedtime routine is an important step to help baby sleep at a consistent time at night, which in turn can also bring some schedule in the daytime activities of the baby. A predictable baby schedule can bring back some predictability and sanity in the daily life of the parents. Parents can plan their daily activities well and in turn, tend to their baby better. More importantly get much-needed rest (with some luck for more extended hours). Also a bedtime routine, which usually involves wind down activity like massaging a baby, or singing to a baby, etc. which can help parents to bond with the baby as well as relax (click here to read more about baby massage and its benefits).

Bedtime routine benefits for the baby

Newborn babies tend to relax in the familiar and soothing environment and activities. I guess they find reassurance in any routine. A consistent bedtime routine helps a baby to wind down and prepare for sleep. A regular bedtime routine is an important step to help a baby sleep at a set time at night. A bedtime routine is also useful towards sleep training a baby (to sleep through the night).

When to start a bedtime routine for the baby?

When a baby regularly sleeps for longer than 3-4 hours at a stretch or with some consistent pattern, is an excellent time to start a bedtime routine.

By around 3-4 months of age, babies start sleeping for more than 3-4 hours at a stretch. Some angels can pull off an uninterrupted sleep of 7-8 hours or even 10-12 hours at that age (although this phase, of full night unbroken sleep, may change sooner). Around this time a sleeping pattern evolves. You can start a bedtime routine even earlier around 6-8 weeks after baby’s birth if a predictable sleep pattern has developed. Establishing a bedtime routine when the sleep pattern is still unpredictable, may not be very productive.

When I started a bedtime routine for my baby

I started a bedtime time routine for Anu when she was around 4.5 months old. When Anu was 2.5months old, she started sleeping 5-6 hours at a stretch at night which quickly increased to 7-8 hours. Her daytime naps pattern had roughly evolved by then. Golden phase with a newborn, isn’t it?  Well, it was, but I was worried because she would sleep late, around midnight.

Anu’s last nap would be around 7:00 pm. Though Anu’s naps rarely lasted beyond 45-60 minutes, she would remain active until almost midnight. It was late by the time she finally slept (most of the time by rocking or putting her in a swing). So though she was asleep at a stretch, I rarely got some time to unwind (I would be too tired by the time I put her in her crib late in the night and had to get up before the morning humdrum began). Also, I felt that bedtime past 9:00 pm was not natural for a baby (even my bedtime pre-delivery was 10 ish). That’s when I decided to put Anu to sleep around 7:30 pm and set a bedtime routine to make her sleep early (and hopefully through the night).

How to set a bedtime routine for the baby?

There are different ways to set a bedtime routine for a newborn baby. The routine should relax both you and your baby and be a sustainable daily ritual. Few things to keep in mind before setting a bedtime routine are:

• Choose a flexible but consistent time slot to put baby to sleep at night
• Engage baby is an energy expending activity before the bedtime
• Choose a soothing, wind down activity to start the bedtime routine
• Remove any sleep associations when putting a baby to sleep
• Keep stimulations away throughout bedtime routine
• Be consistent with the entire bedtime routine
• Have routine daytime activities to avoid forcing sleep time

Choose a flexible but consistent time slot to put the baby to sleep at night:

Do not expect babies to work like a train schedule. A time slot (to put your baby to sleep) with a flexible bandwidth of 1-1.5 hour may work better for you and your baby.It is recommended to ideally put a baby to sleep no later than 9:00 pm. Choose a slot that suits your family’s schedule (and is not very late for the baby). Maintain a consistent time slot to help your baby get accustomed to the routine, e.g. sleep time between 7:00-8:00 pm daily.

Engage baby is an energy expending activity before the bedtime:

An active baby will resist when forced to sleep. For bedtime routine to be effective, it is helpful to tire the baby before sleep time. Involve baby in an age-appropriate exercise that the baby enjoys and which also tires him.

Choose a soothing, wind down activity to start the bedtime routine:

Choose any activity which soothes and relaxes your baby.  Some of the useful wind-down activities are:

• Warm water bath
• Gentle massage
• Soothing music
• Bedtime story
• Reading a book
• Singing

A relaxing activity for your baby can also be a great way to bond with your baby. It can also help you relax.

Remove any sleep associations when putting a baby to sleep:

Babies may have sleep associations when you want to start a bedtime routine. Swinging, rocking, feeding to sleep, singing a lullaby or different ways in which baby needs external help to go to sleep is considered a sleep association.

Having a sleep association can make baby dependent on it. As a baby grows, such sleep associations may become impractical. Also, it may take more efforts to eliminate such sleep associations from baby’s sleep routine at a later time.

Bedtime routine is an essential step towards sleep training a baby (when the baby sleeps without dependency, sleeps through the night, soothes self back to sleep when interrupted). While removing sleep associations is encouraged, feeding to sleep is a debatable topic. Many doctors and sleep training books discourage feeding to sleep. However many parents/lactation experts/caregivers and even some doctors do not consider it as a negative association. Comfort feeding or feeding to sleep is deemed to be natural and healthy by many people [2].

Note: If your baby is habitual of feeding to sleep, and you plan to remove that association, discuss with your paediatrician about the right time to wean baby from feed to sleep as well as night feeds. Even if you do not feed your baby to sleep, he may still demand a dream/comfort feed at night, especially if the baby is still exclusively breastfed. Many doctors recommend stopping comfort/dream feeding at night after starting solids (or earlier) when a baby can sleep through the night.

Keep stimulations away throughout bedtime routine:

Babies can get stimulated (or irritated) by bright light, loud sound unusually loud music, active screens, people around etc.. Keep stimulations away during bedtime. A stimulated baby may become more active (even if he is tired) and take more time to unwind or may become overtired. Overtired babies find it difficult to sleep (counterintuitive Huh?).

Instead, keep the lights off where baby sleeps. Keep baby away from active screens, loud music or other stimulants during the bedtime routine.

Be consistent with the entire bedtime routine:

Choose a bedtime routine that suits you and your baby. It is vital for the baby to relax so that he can sleep well. Do not make too many changes in the bedtime routine regarding time slot, wind down activity, place to sleep etc.. A predictable routine will help the baby to prepare well for sleep time.

Have routine daytime activities to avoid forcing sleep time:

For bedtime routine at night to be effective, it is equally important to have a consistent daytime schedule. Encourage baby to nap during the day around the same time(without forcing a specific time). Encourage baby to have the last daytime nap at least 3-6 hours (depending on baby’s age) before sleep time at night.

Once you decide on a sleep time slot, you can work backwards to have a loose but consistent plan for daytime activities. If you fix a wake-up time, plan rest of the day accordingly so that bedtime falls into your schedule without being forced. Consistency in daily activities (with a fair bit of flexibility) will help you and the baby to adapt to sleep routine better.

Give yourself and baby sufficient time to fall into daytime and bedtime routine.

How I set a bedtime routine for my baby

I chose 7:00 – 8:00 pm time slot to put Anu to sleep for the night. To achieve this, I tried to not let her nap after 2:00- 3:00 pm (she rarely napped for more than an hour). However, I did not force these timings and let it gradually settle into our daily schedule. I would take her out for a walk in a baby carrier for around 30 minutes.  The walk outside would tire her enough to help her fall asleep. Following was our bedtime routine:

Note: I kept a bandwidth of 1 hour around the mentioned time slot. I would start her daily bedtime routine around 4-5 hours after her last daytime nap, depending on her activeness.

After I decided on the 7:00-8:00 pm time slot to put Anu to sleep, I worked backwards to plan our daytime activities. Anu had 2-3 naps in a day. Since her 3rd nap was around 7 pm (before bedtime routine was established), her 3rd nap time converted to sleep time. Other nap times did not change. Her 2nd nap time was around 2-3 pm and 1st nap time was around 10:00 am post bath (each for 45-60 minutes). Even her wake up time remained same, around 7:30 am (she would take 1-2 dream feeds in the night).

I stopped rocking or using a swing to put her to sleep. Instead at the end of her bedtime routine, I would switch off the light, put her on the bed and feed her to sleep.

I maintained her daytime activities like bathing, feeding, playing, etc. consistent between her nap times.

Within a week of starting her bedtime routine, Anu started sleeping around 7:30 pm. Her daytime routine also became more consistent. 

Once Anu started solids or started going to daycare, her bedtime routine changed slightly. We still have a bedtime routine which we follow regularly and still enjoy it.

How a bedtime routine benefitted our family

Anu loved her bedtime routine, the evening walks, her sponge bath and storytelling. Within a week Anu settled into her bedtime routine. So once the light went off, she knew it was time to sleep. She was around 5 months old by then. Her sleep time as well as her daytime routine became consistent.

A predictable schedule gave me time take care of the household and other activities. Also, Anu’s early and consistent sleep time gave me an opportunity to unwind. Anu’s father and I could finally sit down and watch a TV show or just chat. I could finally sleep for few hours (3-5) at a stretch. Sleeping for 7 hours at a stretch came quite late though 🙂 (after I weaned Anu of her nighttime comfort feeds ….. click here to read about my night time weaning experience).